2019

It’s my blog and I will write what I want to!

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I love driving down old Route 66 in some of the less populated areas over by Amboy. Shout-out to Roys!  We always stop by the roadside and just sit and listen to the silence. It’s pretty weird. So quiet. No crickets or birds. Rarely a car. Even the wind is on mute. You feel weird, almost oppressed by the silence but in a good way. We are so used to noise, that the lack of it is almost too much to bear.

You may be wondering if all these posts  are going to be about NaNo. Good question. Probably not. But the future looks hazy, shake again. 

That was part of the problem, and one of the reasons why blogging was so hard. I was trying to think about all of you. The potential readers. What did you want from me? You are not very good at letting me know. The silence was deafening. 

I spent so much time worrying about what to write and just knowing that I was going to be wrong and people would hate me and gamergate shit would happen. Somehow I would be doxed and put my family in danger. Yes I am very good at catastrophizing. Creative people create no matter what. 

This is different. I still care what you think. I would like you to like me, my writing. But for now I am going to focus on what I want to write. Buckle up, it’s going to be a strange ride. I have a lot of different interests. 

So the goal is thirty days of posts. Any kind of posts. (It would have been 31, but I missed the first day of NaNo. 

Ideally at the end of thirty days, I will find my feet, my voice, and perhaps some other wanderers out there looking for a place to hang for a little bit and this can go on. We’ll see. 

PS If you NaNo and want to connect search for Paula1849. 

It’s complicated and sometimes you have to break the rules

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My lizard brain up close.

One of the nice things about NaNo is that even if you are a socially awkward wannabe writer dealing with medical issues, you can still meet cool people that you have at least something in common with. Topics of conversation are built right in! What are you working on? How many words? How many NaNos? Even I can’t screw it up much!

For me, NaNo is a bunch of positives. I get to focus on a creative project for myself! But I also use this time to focus on what writing skills I need to improve on. Totally against the NaNo code! Such a rebel! 

I have found that lots of people use this time the way that they need to. Finishing up stories, starting new ones, and even *gasp* editing. Last year I focused on creating dialogue as that was something I was not comfortable with. 

You know how it goes. As you are writing, you become painfully aware of how many times you have used the words “she/he/they said” but if you try and become too creative with your dialogue, your writing becomes almost incoherent. I also spent time that year noticing how other favorite writers compose their dialogue while I read. That helped me to find balance. 

This year I am facing a bigger fear. Blogging. I have a hard time writing posts and putting them out there. 

I am not sure what my fear is. Ok, that is a lie, I know exactly what my fear is and I will spare you the deep introspective for now. Being a follower of the lizard brain theory I know that when the primitive section of my brain tells me not to do something because of a vague fear, then it is probably something I should face and culture. 

So here I am. Facing fear and forcing myself to grow. By blogging….  I guess it sounds really silly when it is put that way. But that is what happens when we don’t face the issues that hold us back. Forcing yourself to deal with your lizard brain (but be kind) will put the issue in perspective. 

A little tough self love is all it takes but I do suggest if you are interested to google the “lizard brain”. Very interesting reading.  

PS If you NaNo and want to connect search for Paula1849.