Stuck @ Chapter 2

I listened to a few of the moderators podcasts and thought wow, he’s on to something with the writing from different tenses. 

I started out the novel with first person present tense and well, the first chapter was great but, making the transition to having a narriator fill in the gaps is giving me a few problems. 

I don’t really know who to ask questions too b/c in my house only my eleven year old likes books as much as I do and am skeptical to share my ideas with others on line because none of my ideas are copy righted and well… to be honest I have not written a book yet.  I have tons of stuff I have written just nothing published. 

I am stuck on the tense to use and can’t seem to move forward.  It’s like I am caught in the details here banging my head against the monitor. 

I tried writing the three starting paragraphs in different tenses and letting my eleven year old read them and my husband read them. 

It’s supposed to be a childrens book and the one she liked the best was the first person one.  My hubby liked the other one where I changed it to first person past tense. 

Am gonna copy my first three Paragraphs here.  In different tenses.  If you were a ten to tween child which one would seem more understandable and appealing. 

Any feed back would be much appreciated.  Thank you!

First person past tense:

That day was like any other late summer day.  The clouds partially covered the sky the birds in the distance and me sitting at the computer contemplating the course of the day.  Garage sales, antique shows, and flea markets and other unusual thrift stores awaited.  Mom was an avid collector.  She inherited quite a fortune from my grandfather this allowed her to extend her arms into an area that before was just a hobby.
I geared myself up to go with her that day after all, it was much better than staying home and studying for midterms.  I had mastered the art of procrastination so waiting until the last minute to study was far from unusual.  Luckily college was not like high school.  Mom was more lenient and I was able to stay out a bit later than when I was younger.  Her main motto was that we should network with other important people.
Though I neglected to see how hobnobbing with the well to do crowd would help in the future.  All I could see at the time was the back stabbing and eccentric need to keep up with the neighbor next door.  It seemed like a futile endeavor compared to my own interests in clothes from the cheapest thrift store I could fine.  The outfits I choose back then looked like tattered window drapes in contrast to their lavish clothes.

First Person Present tense: 

Today was like any other late summer day.  The clouds partially covering the sky the birds in the distance and me sitting at my computer contemplating the course of the day.  Garage sales, antique shows, and flea markets surrounded the day. Mom was an avid collector so our normal events consisted of venturing out on one of these excursions.  Her recent inheritance from my grandfather now allowed her to extend her arms into an area that before was just a general interest.  So I geared myself up to go after all, it was much better than studying for my college midterm.  So much easier to just put that off until the last minute.  I had mastered the art of procrastination and cramming for the next test.  Luckily home in college was not like high school.  Mom now allowed me to stay out later and to visit more with friends from college.  Her motto was that we should network with other important people.  I neglected to see how hobnobbing with the well to do crowd  would help me in the future.  All I saw was the back stabbing and eccentric need to keep up with the Jones’ next door.  It seemed like a futile rat race where my preference in clothes from goodwill looked like tattered window drapes compared to their lavish outfits and summer get ups. 

Thanks:)

I feel like if I can figure out the tense then I will be home free.

Comments are closed.