Amelie, The One Minute Version

Here’s another of my three-minutes-or-less editorial screenplays of a movie I’ve seen which strained my credulity, patience or sanity on some level. I find it’s fun to rewrite those movies to more closely approximate my experience of them. This was my take on Amelie.

 

 

EXT. PARIS – GREEN
Impish, charming, disarmingly cute AUDREY TATOU disarms her ANGRY NEIGHBORS with a charmingly cute smile.

ANGRY NEIGHBORS
We have seen ‘Emma’ and ‘Chocolat’, and we know what you’re up to! You are trying to impishly charm us into changing our selfish, staid and priggish ways with your disarming cuteness.

AUDREY TATOU
(Impish)
Am I not cute? Do I not remind you of Bjork?

ANGRY NEIGHBORS
Must…resist overwhelming power…of cuteness…anger weakening…

AUDREY TATOU
(Disarming)
Have you noticed the way that the clouds all look like hearts and teddy bears when I’m around? Or that everything is green?

NOT-SO-ANGRY NEIGHBORS
We surrender to your impish charm. All of our lives have been enriched by your
disarming cuteness, the greenness and the teddy bear clouds.

Only slightly less impish and charming NINO steps forward.

NINO
I am hypoglycemic.

AUDREY TATOU (Charming)
Ah, the man of my dreams!
They exit together, Audrey skipping.

NINO
Could you please try to be less impishly girlish? It makes me feel a little pervy.

 

THE END

 

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