If you have been coming to this site (thank you!) you might have noticed that right now I have been posting links to other peoples stuff. It’s really good stuff, stuff that I find quite helpful, but it is other peoples stuff on other people’s sites. Since my day job is helping other people with their sites and I am pretty darn good at it, I know that original content is key to a sites success. So why the disconnect?
Mostly fear.
I am afraid of you. Yep. Little ol’ you.
So afraid, that I hesitate on what to do. Who am I to you? What if you don’t like what I have to say or how to say it? And how do I find my goddamn voice?
I think I just found out that my voice cusses a little bit. Sorry. But it is me.
But I change and so doesn’t my voice. Constantly. Depending on the situation, on my mood, how hungry I am, and just because. I do an awesome evil Elmo voice.
Where does that leave me in terms of finding my voice to speak to you? I don’t know.
But I do know that to do nothing, to continue to be afraid to speak is like losing a little piece of myself. I know that I am very honest if you are speaking kindly of me, or god awful blunt which is probably closer to the truth. I don’t filter myself very well.
Plus I hate the feeling of being scared and weak more than I hate what scares me. One summer very long ago, my friends and I were at a pool with a very high dive. My friends were trying to decide if they dared jump off and were trying to rationalize their fear. The diving board was quite high, used for Olympic training. They turned around to try and get me to go first, but I was already gone and halfway up the ladder. The trick is not to think about it, just do it. One determined baby step at a time until you run out of diving board.
Perhaps that is the answer. I am going to take a deep breath and hold it in and take a baby step, then another until I run out of diving board. Hopefully, you will stay with me. I am still afraid of you but I am more mad at the fear I have in me.
Have a good day and thank you for reading.
Paula